Managing Workplace Frenemies

The term “Frenemy” is a blend of “friend” and “enemy,” ingeniously capturing a new concept. It’s increasingly important to manage frenemies in the workplace. A frenemy can be:

1. An enemy disguised as a friend, or
2. A business relationship where the other party is a competitor.

The famous military strategist Sun Tzu aptly said, “Keep your friends close, keep your enemies closer.” While many acknowledge the wisdom of this advice, few actually implement it.

A workplace frenemy is someone with whom you maintain a professional but unproductive relationship. Unfortunately, these relationships can hinder career advancement by obstructing important projects, withholding support, or even actively attempting to cause failure.

Workplace relationships often don’t last as long as personal ones, as people frequently move on. When dealing with a workplace frenemy, one option is to avoid them. If you choose this route, they may eventually move on. However, this isn’t always feasible when a frenemy is negatively impacting your career.

Susan Cramm of Harvard Business School suggests a more effective strategy than simple avoidance for dealing with a frenemy who is stalling your career progress.

There are essentially three ways to handle a workplace frenemy:

1. Talk it out: Approach your frenemy and express your desire for a more productive relationship. Present the facts, share your interpretation, and ask for feedback.
2. Work it out: If talking doesn’t resolve the issue, address your frenemy’s concerns through work. If they request more information, provide it. If they don’t respond to your emails, visit their desk. Make it clear that you’re willing to work on their terms.
3. Spread it out: If your frenemy is hindering you by refusing to make a decision or withholding their support, distribute authority. Ensure that key decisions are made collectively rather than individually.

Frenemies undoubtedly follow a personal strategy that benefits them in some way. Bringing their actions into the open and making them aware that you know what they’re doing is a good first step. It’s also important to let them know that their behaviour is unacceptable to you and any reasonable person, and that you’ll take ethical and fair steps to prevent further damage to your career.